I’ve been thinking lately. About life. About my dreams and what I want to do. I watched a high school commencement speech from some high school and the valedictorian said something interesting: “It’s okay not to have a dream.” From a young age I’ve always been asked, “What do you want to be? What’s your dream?” Time and time again I’ve had no answer. I never gave much thought to it when I was young because I was like, hey, I still have a lot of years to think this over. But now, I’m 22, and I feel lost.Anyone feel the same?
It’s okay not to have a dream. Such a simple but powerful statement. It both relieved me and stressed me out at the same time. It relieved me because it meant I still had time to explore my wants and desires. It stressed me out because I was like, do I even have a purpose? Is there something I’m meant to do? Anyone ever felt like having endless possibilities was the end of the world? It’s like, what do I choose?
I feel like I’m mindlessly applying to any job without knowing if I’d enjoy it years from now. This ‘not knowing’ is paralyzing. It makes me not want to do anything. I just sit there in despair while some distant part of my mind is yelling, Snap out of it!
But, I also know me best. If you’ve heard the story about the hare and the turtle, I’m the turtle. I learn things slowly and at my own pace.You can have thousands of people tell you things but the thing is that you won’t learn until you learn it for yourself. Until you realize it for yourself. And that’s the same thing with me. I’m wading in a miles-long ocean not knowing which way to swim. I’m afloat, just wading in place. I’m taking in the scenery. I understand the urgency of finally making it to shore like everyone else but I just can’t seem to make myself go at the pace everyone else is going. I’m wading, and I know that eventually when I’m tired tofswimming in place, I’ll flip over and start swimming in whichever direction I choose.
I’m overwhelmed but I also know the machinations that are me. I might feel lost know but I’ve never been one to follow the crowd. So the point here is, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to feel lost. For some, their dream might come to them as an epiphany and for others like me, it’ll come slowly and organically. So, just wait. Patiently. It may seem like life is zooming by but sometimes going slow is the right answer. The fog will clear and eventually you’ll see it. And you’ll know it’s your dream because it’ll feel…RIGHT.
Peace x Love,